The Process Sucks Right Now

Hey readers, welcome to the first official entry of training diaries. As a new phase of training is about to begin, I think it's best if I take some time to reflect on this past track season. Going into the season, I was very excited because later in the summer would be the highly anticipated postponed 2020 Olympic Games. A competition I've been dreaming of being a part of one day. There was only one thing in the way of that for me and that was the "QUALIFYING STANDARD". The way qualification works depending on what country you're competing for(In my case Nigeria), you have to hit that qualifying mark(for the 800m it's 1:45.20) in order to be selected. Since I've made National teams in the past, I figured I could make this one as well. I must also mention that you only get a specific time period to hit that mark. I believe the window started in May 2019 and was originally supposed to end in late June 2020 but with covid, a lot of things shifted. The window ended up being May 2019-March 2020 and December 2020- June 30 2021.

During the qualification period, I was able to run 1:45.60 back in early June of 2019. During the dead period(summer 2020), I was able to run 1:44.81 and unfortunately it didn't count towards qualification for the games. But having run that gave me confidence going into the 2021 season that I could hit it again or go faster than that. However, things did not go my way this season at all. While training was going well, the results were just not showing the way I needed them to. I was able to get a season best(SB) of 1:46.4 which is the slowest SB I've had since 2015. It's crazy how when you're so used to progressing, it just becomes expected. This is the first time since 2012 that I didn't set any personal best on the track. I often tell people to trust the process and let go of the results. It's easy to do that when the results are going in the right direction. What do you do when the process isn't going your way

When the ending of the qualification window was drawing closer to an end, I started to become anxious about the results. It sometimes got to the point of it becoming hard for me to sleep some nights because I was thinking about it so much. All that stressing to still not make it, traveling all over the country to still miss the mark, and just so many things out of my own control(e.g bad weather, people falling, race going out slow). So I ended up not making the Olympics and was bummed out for a while. I had moments in the day where I would just be sad and then I'd be good and then I would get bummed again. I gave myself grace and allowed myself to feel everything because I know one day this feeling of disappointment won't be here anymore. At first I wasn't gonna watch the games because I just knew I was gonna be there but I ended up watching because I still had friends there who I wanted to support. I also remained optimistic because I had some races left but they didn't go well either so I was relieved when the season finally ended.

Now you might be asking yourself how does one trust the process in all of this?

Here's how:

1. Know that no effort is ever wasted even if you come up short. You learn from those mistakes.

2. Failure isn't a matter of life and death so relax and have fun!

3. Embrace the journey rather than the destination. When you're having fun failure doesn't seem as scary.

4. Detach your identity from the results. You're more than the numbers next to your name.

5. Know that there's gonna be more opportunities even if you have to wait( 3 years for the next olympics).

6. Keep showing up, studies have shown that people with the most grit are the ones who come out on top.

7. Surround yourself with like minded people who want to do well and want to see you do well.

8. Be fully present in the now. All the power you have is in this current moment.

9. Build the self-awareness to know how you operate.

10. Lastly, Stay POSITIVE! Yes negative emotions/feelings will come but always settle in the positive ones.

Thank you so much for taking time to read this, I hope you can use it on your journey of becoming a great version of you!

-E.Ibadin